Weight has always been a very big issue for me while growing up. I don’t associate with a race, but ethnically I am Filipino, French, Basque and Italian (Tuscan and Sardinian), Russian and a bit of Orcadian, according to my familytreedna and GEDMatch ethnicity breakdown that I took because I’m adopted and I wanted to know what my ethinic breakdown was. I had taken the autosomal test, so my results of ethnicity was of recent (up to 5generations) ancestors. In the filipino community, if you’re fat you are treated to put it bluntly, like shit. All throughout my life I was called a pig by classmates, random people and even family. Being a fat kid was a rarity in Philippines and because of that people would come up to me at the markets and lick their finger and touch my calfs for ‘good luck’. I guess to them I was like the fat happy (you can scratch the happy cause I was a grumpy kid) golden buddha. After that me and my parents moved to the UK and I had actually felt accepted and wasn’t really made fun of kids because of my weight.. but instead was made fun of being of my race. I was called so many racial slurs ‘paki, brownie’ etc. On top of that after going into secondary school I hanged with the fat kids and that was when the bullying and constant jibes continued. It was only at 17 years old I had managed to shed excess weight, 35-39kg approximately.
Having been different sizes throughout my life, from curvy with big hips (waist being over 45in, to being quite slim with the same bust and hip span, both being slightly over 34in, I know what size I am most comfortable, confident and happy at and its definitely the more petite very slim side. I however am an emotional eater and the past year has been .. well stressful. Problems with my love life, family and studies. I’m a very emotional person and when I get into a relationship I devote myself to them completely and tend to neglect everything else.
I know I’ll be losing the handful of weight I regained, so I’m not too worried. I’m just extremely impatient. I’m not going to allow myself to indulge in a relationship until I’ve reached my goal. I’m not fat, I’m a UK size 10 (U.S. Size 8?) but I find that I am more happy being smaller. There’s just something about a small girl and big man combo I love. The opposite sex is just an unwanted distraction. Although, I indulge and tease the guys that come up to me on the street to get my Facebook or number.
On the up side, it seems that I get more attention while being petite curvy (my hips are quite small, but I have big thighs, calfs and a well shaped bottom), than when I was pretty slim, however the pool of guys that go after me are in my book a bunch of losers. I guess I’ll have up my game. Especially because I wish to involve myself in a Dom/sub relationship as soon as I feel comfortable and happy with myself and as soon as I find the right Master. In the meantime, I’ll be feeding my mind, while ‘starving myself’ and working out like a lunatic. Pictures of thinspo and Doms are my motivation. I can’t wait to serve my Master. ❤️
Black Younger Men
Before you jump to conclusions this isn’t a racist rant, but rather an observation and funny story.
Ever since I was 17 (the age I was when I worked hard to shed all my baby weight. 35kg/ 77pounds), I had gotten a lot of attention from men. It is rather odd, but literally 90% of the men who chat me up, go after me and literally follow me home until I give them my number are black! Even now today, I received 4 messages from 4 different black guys. One of whom I dated and gave gave my second kiss to. From work, school, church, and even just walking to my house. My friends know me as the black magnet. Don’t believe me?
This guy had the gall to follow me. Like FOLLOW me, for 10mins. He followed me from the busstop to the end of my road. I swear, the route I walk back to my parents house is unsafe, as after this incident, only 4 days later, an old man (late 60’s) had also followed me from his car and asked me if he could drive me home and if I was alright. I was perfectly fine, I just have a bitchy resting face.!He kept asking and tried goading me into his car. He even grabbed my wrist. Needless to say, I came home in shock and was crying on the phone to my parents because of how frightened I was. They demanded that I report the incident to the police, but I didn’t have the courage to and I didn’t want to seem like I was being OTT. For all I know, the man was just trying to be sweet.. Maybe.
So you’re probably wondering what was I wearing, or what I usually wear. Well, I love to wear skinny jeans, usually the coated denim type that looks like leather, a leather jacket and cropped top. The picture below was taken just before I had left college to go home, and then followed by the creeper guy.
Yes it’s a toilet selfie. No I didn’t take it after I went to the toilet. I only went to the toilet to wash my hands because we had biology and the room was kinda humid and made my hands clammy. I felt good that day after looking at myself so decided to take a selfie! Clarification done. XD
I don’t know what I do to attract black men, even in a roomful of different races, it’s always a black guy that will approach me. After that it is Asian guys. Men in general will always baffle me. Let’s hope I can turn myself into the type of girl that attracts Doms and the type they gravitate towards. I don’t care for race, but what I care about is stability and dominance in a MAN (take charge man who is in control), which the majority of the guys I have attracted (of all races) neither have or probably be unlikely to obtain. There were some exceptions, as there were guys from wealth families that have approached me and some where dominant. A shame that they’re not the dominant and stable type and not as old as I like.
It’s refreshing to know that there are men out there who go for personality. I always assumed that with the SD/ SB relationships, looks play a major factor as the woman play the role of arm candy.
Hello, my droogies. I’m taking a short break from programming to write this.
It was an interesting weekend. I have horses, so of course I’m thinking what everyone who owns horses is thinking all summer – where will I get winter hay? Winter hay is tricky – you want to buy a little more than you need, and store it properly, and it’s all dependent on the weather. The beginning of this spring was hot and dry, but the summer has been wet and cool. That means that people who grow hay were thinking, “I won’t have enough,” and now they’re terrified that they’ll get stuck with it.
Which is how I bought 30 rolls for $1,100 delivered, thinking I’d get 21,000 pounds, and ended up with 40,000 when the rolls showed up WAY bigger than I expected.
It also means my tractor can’t move them to a 2nd tier…
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